What do you cause to fall in love?

Why a person in fact falls in love with such or which person, AND not of any other of the thousands of potential couples that find, you/he/she continues being a deep mystery. The random, the chemistry and the probability that two petty receptividad windows open up in the precise moment to be known they are impredecibilidad guarantee. In spite of everything, the science has made some modest advances in the road to understand why we fall in love and why us desenamoramos.

Contrarily to the myths broadcasted by the social sciences in the XX century, the love is not an invention of the western poets of ago some centuries. The evidence notes to the opposed conclusion the love you are a general purpose one that cross opposite cultural and you have probably been with us since they were formed the long term first links among even in the foggy beginnings of the evolutionary history of the humans. From the zulúes of Sudáfrica to the inuits of the north of Alaska, the humans say to suffer the obsessions of the mind and the passions of the emotion that the western world associates with the love.

In a studio of 168 different cultures, the anthropologist Bill Janko­Wiak found a strong evidence in favor of the appearance of love románti­co in almost the ninety for 100 of them. For the ten for 100 remaining, the anthropological evidence was too inaccurate to extract absolute conclusio­nes.

A lot of people in the entire world also say to feel currently in love. The sociologist Sue Sprecher and your collaborating entrevistarona 1.667 women and men from Russia, Japan and United States. What you/they found was that the 61 for 100 of the Russian men and the 73 for 100 of the Russian women said to be in that fallen in love moment. The figures for Japanese were of the 41 for 100 of the men and the 63 for 100 of the women; and, among the Americans, the 53 for 100 of the men and the 63 for 100 of the women.

My own studio of the preferences of 10.047 individuals' of thirty seven different cultures emparejamiento localized in six conti­nentes and five islands also revealed the importance and universality of the love. What I found was that "the love and the mutual" attraction was qualified as the most indispensable in the eighteen attributes that I/you/they were given to choose to characterize the person with which you/they would marry - and that for both sexes and in all the cultures. Beyond the singularities of the cultural recipes, the diversity of emparejamiento systems, the political convulsions, the economic disparate conditions and the multiplicity of religious beliefs, the humans from all over the world yearn the love.

The main qualities that people want in a couple define the rules of the game of the emparejamiento in the humans. The desires determine toward who we are attracted and what strategies they are efec­tivas to attract the wanted couple. The violations of the desire believe conflicts and they praise the married dissolution. The satisfaction of the desires of the other one transforms this way into a half effective one of to procure and to retain a couple, and you raise the possibility of a long term love.

The studio of the thirty seven cultures illuminates with more clarity than never previously which the components of the desire are. In the entire world people search a couple that are kind, understanding, inteli­gente, responsible, emotionally stable, not very demanding, attractive and healthy. However, the cultures differ vastly as for the importan­cia that allocate to certain qualities. The virginity, for example, is a virtually indispensable quality in the couple for almost all the chi­nos, but irrelevant for most of the Swedes and Dutch.

But the most surprising thing for the social scientists was the discovery of general purposes differences among the sexes. The men from all over the world give more importance to the youth and the physical attractiveness, grateful qualities as important signs of fertility and the woman's future reproductive potential. The women from all over the world ambitious men want that enjoy of a social decent position, possess petitions or the potential to acquire them and that they are some bigger years that them. During the whole human vast evolutionary history, the children of a woman have outlived and prospered well when the woman has chosen a rich man in petitions and committed to invest them in your couple.

Is the love then, only a cold appraisal of the specificities of a person? An emotion that blind us until the business failure maybe are not? Some both. People don't usually fall in love with people that lack the qualities that you/they want. In a studio of the answers of men and women to personal announcements was that you were more probable than the men they started a contact with a woman when this mentioned your physical attractiveness and a young age in your person's description. Of another side, more probable era that the women started a contact with a man when this mentioned some reasonable earnings and a level of respectable education.

But no matter how much to who we finish loving you follow an utilitarian implacable logic, you are also possible that the love has evolved for we make blind to the couple's bugs. You are two scientific explanations at least for the myopia that produce the love. They are few the per­sonas that possess the complete list of the wanted qualities, and the ma­yoría has that we conform with less than what we would want in an ideal world. In general, very desirable people can only attract equally desirable people. The law of the love better do­cumentada is maybe that of the selective emparejamiento, that is to say, the trend to that the couples are formed by people that look like each other. Intelligent and learned people spread to marry people with those that can share your ideas and learning. Attractive people and seductoras search equally attractive couple. Although the opposed ocasionalmen­te is attracted, in the durable love the "8" generally marry the "8", and the "6", with the "6."

Not he/she makes sense insist in the bugs of when one falls in love. In fact, a recent studio points out that most of people manifest lover's" "illusion, an excess of optimism on your posibi­lidades of marital success. While on or about the fifty for 100 of the marriages end up in divorce, only a 11 for 100 of married people think that your own marriage can end up in divorce. In a younger age range of single individuals, only the 12 for 100 think that in your future marriage there will be a probability of the fifty for 100 of finishing separating, for well that among those that marry now, the divorce probability has increased up to the 64 for 100. These figures maybe reflect slanting adaptativos that, although deviant of the reality, they raise the probability of success. In accordance with this explanation, the love is an emotion that motivate people to perse­verar in the duras and in the mature ones, no matter how much to the long one it doesn't always work. In sum, the love can blind us in two ways: first, allowing that we conform to with somebody that don't resemble nues­tra fantasy of the ideal couple; and second, becoming optimists about the future of our romance, and raising the probability this way that you are really successful.

The evolutionary economist Robert Frank affirms that the love is the solution to the problem of the compromise. If our couple was chosen by rational reasons, you could leave us for the rational same reasons when finding another lightly more desirable person of agreement with your "rational" approaches. You be believed this way the problem of the compromise: how can we be safe that a person will continue with us? If our couple is blinded by an uncontrollable love that cannot avoid neither she can choose, a love for us and for anybody more, then the compromise won't weaken. The love is stronger than the rationality. You are the emotion that assure us that we won't leave our couple when tropece­mos with somebody more desirable, at the time that indicate to our our couple intention and determination of being always with her.

You are probable that the causal arrow also points in opposed sense. The love can be the psychological remuneration that we experience when the problem of the compromise is solved satisfactorily. You are the opium of the body and of the mind that he/she announce us that the problem adaptativo of couple selection, sexual satisfaction, devotion and fidelity has been solved with success. The scientific explanation is that the evolution has insta­lado in the brain human remuneration mechanisms that they impel us the activities that lead to the reproductive success to continue. You paste it you are that with the time the drug goes losing force. Some are gotten then on the train of the hedonism, to the continuing search of the ecstasy that accompany to the love. To repeat the success with new conquests brings us from turn to the delirium, although this never ends up reaching the same intensity.

The love can be a solution to the problem of the compromise or the intoxicating remuneration for resolute haberío, or both things. In cual­quier case, you are not room for doubt that the love is an intimately bound emotion to the compromise. In my studios of hundred fifteen different stocks that indicate that a person is really in love, the acts of compromise are located at the beginning of the list - acts like to speak of marriage or to express the desire to form a family. The most excellent acts of love point out the compromise of investing the petitions se­xuales, economic, emotional and genetic in a single person.

Unfortunately, the evolutionary history doesn't end up here. Where the desire of love exists, the desire exists of manipulating it. The men double-cross the women about the intensity of your love to procure sexual short term remunerations. The women, on the other hand, have desarrolla­do for co-evolution defenses against the sexual exploitation, for example imposing a long retinue process before consenting in the sex, in­tentando to detect the double-cross and developing a higher capacity to interpret non verbal signals. The career arms coevolutiva of the double-cross and the detection of the double-cross continues, and you don't seem to have end.

Another problem is that people you desenamora as impulsively as you fall in love. Not we can predict with surety who you desenamorará, but some recent studios give us some track. As well as the satisfaction of the desire is very important to fall in love, the violacio­nes of the desire denounces conflict. An elected man partly for your kindness and your energy can finish being abandoned if you cruel and lazy restitution. An elected woman partly for your youth and beauty can lose your couple before the competency of a new be­lleza model. A partner at the beginning attentive it can take condescending. And the infertility of a couple after sexual repeated acts can take to both to search a more fruitful union.

You are to consider the metric hang-over of the pare­jas market lastly. Consider you an even youth of professionals. If the woman's career is shot but the man ends up being discharged, your relationship will be submitted to a strong pressure because your market values are now different. For the woman, a "9" that until then it had been outside of your extent you are now at your service. In the evolutionary jungla of the emparejamiento, we can admire a woman that stay faithful to a losing husband, but who made it certainly they are not previous nues­tros. The current humans descend of ancestors that changed your couple for another better one when the gain potential supera­ba amply the multiple costs that people suffer to consecuen­cia of a separation.

Desenamorarse has dark many facets. The blow can be physically dangerous for the women and psychologically traumatic for both sexes. The men that are rejected by the woman that you/they often love finish mistreating her emotionally, and sometimes physically. In our recent studios we discover that an alarming proportion of the men that you/they are aborted without too many contemplacio­nes finishes having homicidal fantasies. In the same way that the evolu­ción has installed remuneration mechanisms that they flood us of pleasure when we mate with success, you have maybe equipped also us with mechanisms that you/they treat us pain when we fail in our in­tentos of forming a stable couple.