Showing posts with label feeling. Show all posts
Showing posts with label feeling. Show all posts

4/10/2008

Empathy and emotional intelligence

One of the key element that are part the emotional intelligence, is the empathy, which belong to the interpersonal domain.The empathy is the characteristic feature of the interpersonal successful relationships.

But, to what do we refer when we speak of empathy? The empathy is not another that "the ability to be aware of, to recognize, to understand and to appraise the feelings of the other" ones. In other words, the being empáticos is the being able to "read" people emotionally.

You are without a doubt an ability that, employee with success, facilitates the evolution and progress of all relationship type between two or more people. As well as the emotional autoconciencia is an important element in the potentiation of the abilities intrapersonales of the emotional intelligence, the empathy comes to be something like that as our social conscience, because through her the feelings and necessities of the other ones can be appraised, giving cause to the emotional warmth, the compromise, the affection and the sensibility. Let us see your importance.

The Social Radar

If on one hand, a deficit in our capacity of emotional autoconciencia takes us to be seen as illiterate emotional (illiterate in the "abc" of the recognition of the own emotions), an inadequacy in our ability empática is the result of an emotional deafness, because starting from it, they don't take in being evidenced you fail in our capacity to interpret the necessities of the other ones appropriately, those that underlie to the express feelings of people.

In and of itself the empathy is something like that as our social radar, which allow us to navigate with success in the own sea of our relationships. If we don't pay you carefulness, with surety we will mistake the direction and difficultly we will arrive to good port. Let us revise now thoroughly you are we useful in what.

Through the glasses of the other one

Not it is strange that you are believed to only understand to the other one based on what we note superficially. But the worst thing can come when confronting your position with ours and not to "see" beyond our own perspective and of the seemingly "patent" thing.

We should know that our you are related they not only base verbally on apparent contents, but rather many exist other mechanisms full with meaning that are always there and of those that we don't always know how to take out party. The posture, the shade or voice intensity, the look, an expression and even the same silence, all are carriers of great information that are always there, to be interpreted and to give you the suitable interpretation. In fact, we cannot read the minds, but yes many exist subtle signals, sometimes "invisible" apparently, which we should learn how to "read."

An individual empático can be described as an able person in reading the status while they take place, being adjusted to the same ones in agreement these requires it; to the knowledge that a status is not static, they take out profit of the feedback, all time that you/they know that ignoring the different signals that they receive it can be detrimental in your relationship. You are also somebody that have a good capacity of you hear, skillful in reading non verbal "tracks"; you know when to speak and when not, all that which facilitate you the road to influence and to regulate in a constructive way the emotions of the other ones, benefitting this way your interpersonal relationships. They can be good negotiators, oriented toward a scenario where all the parts come out winning.

On the other hand, weak people in this ability have difficulties to "read" and to interpret the emotions of the other ones correctly, they don't know how to hear, and many times are inefficient reading the non verbal signals, reason for which can evidence a social turpitude, when appearing as cold and wanton fellows. You are clear that the insensibility to the emotions of the other ones tunnels the interpersonal relationships. The individuals that manifest incompetence empática don't know how to read your social radar, I motivate for the one that .algunas times without intending it. they damage the emotional intimacy of those who try, because when not validating the feelings and emotions of the other one, this feels annoying, wounded or unknown.

In the extreme grade of the lack of this ability they are, on one hand, the alexitímicos (people unable to express the own feelings and of perceiving those of third appropriately) and, for the other one, the antisocial elements or the psychopaths who save little or any consideration for the other people's feelings and they can rather, in many cases, to manipulate them in own benefit.

Any relationship type, amical, marital, family or working, can you turn affected by this capacity. In fact, diverse investigations demonstrate that you are a main ability in many occupations, especially in those that have to do with the treatment to the public, the sales, the public relationships, the human resources, the management, to mention some. The certain thing is that your applications can be diverse, in the formation of leaders, in studios of identification of organizational necessities and/or of the market, in organizational consultancy, in psychotherapy, in medicine, among other. In all these are a crucial ability to reach the excellence.

Inside other shoes

Proceeding with empathy doesn't mean to agree with the other one. Not he/she involves to leave aside the own convictions and to assume as own that of the other one. You are more, you can be in complete detuning with somebody, without in and of itself to stop to be empáticos and to respect your position, accepting as genuine your own motivations.

Through the readout of the necessities of the other ones, we can readjust our to act and whenever we proceed with sincere interest you will rebound it in benefit of our personal relationships. But you are it something to what we should be attentive at every moment, because what work with a person doesn't necessarily work with other, or you are more, what work with a person in a moment cannot serve in another with the same one.

Mahatma Gandhi sustained "the fourth three parts of the miseries and bad experts at some time the following in the world they would end if people put on in the shoes of your opponents and they understood your point of view"; in coherence with it, he decided not to proceed with violence in your purpose to achieve the independence of your country, and against all prognosis the peaceful" "submitted that propelled was the decisive weapon in the attainment of the desired release of your homeland, India.Certainly we don't have to be as Gandhi to realize that subtle "weapons" that we can use in own benefit exist and of the other ones that you/they are not to destroy but to make flourish profitable relationships for the sake of our increment like human beings. Finally, you are not exaggerated to sustain that the bases of the same morality can be in the empathy, in the one which in turn the root of the altruism is (when being taken with integrity).

How to develop the empathy

Do you recognize the feelings of other people? Do you understand why the other ones feel this way? This is the ability of 'to feel with the other ones', of experiencing the emotions of the other ones as if was own.

When we develop the empathy (the fourth of the practical abilities of the Emotional Intelligence) the emotions of the other ones they resonate in us. We feel which the feelings of the other one are, how strong they are and what things they provoke them. This is difficult for some people, but on the other hand, for other, you are so plain that they can read the feelings just as if is about a book.

You are important here to make a distinction between the empathy and the sympathy. The sympathy is a process that allow to feel the emotional same states that feel the other ones, we understand them or not.

However, the sympathy is a purely emotional process that have with the empathy the same relationship that can have a box aftermake with the work of an artist. In the first, we can fill the correct spaces with the appropriate colors or the appropriate emotions, and to obtain an acceptable copy of the original, without necessity of understanding clearly what a you mean the box.

The empathy is something different: you involve our own emotions, and for that reason we understand the feelings of the other ones completely, because we feel them in our hearts besides understanding them with our minds. But also, and fundamentally, the empathy includes the understanding of the perspectives, pansies, desires and other people's beliefs.

The sympathy is a poor substitute of the empathy, although in some cases, in which people cannot feel empathy regarding some emotions, the sympathy is better than anything. However, to advance to the following stadium of the emotional conscience, true empathy is required.

To be highly a person empática can have your disadvantages. A person empática is very aware of an entire complex universe of emotional information, sometimes painful and intolerable that others don't perceive.

People that have empathy are much more adapted to the social subtle signals that indicate what others need or they want. This makes them better in such professions as the teaching, the sales and the management.

4/07/2008

The love

So much is written about the love... but you seem that all that is never overworked that one can say of the one.
In general ledger or pettier measure all the human beings feel love at some time, until the most unscrupulous they have had some object of your affection. For the love we are moved, us vulnerabilizamos, we ennoble ourselves... for the love we fight, we dream, let us believe... for the love we suffer, we cry, we remain silent, we scream... the big works of art, the best songs, the unforgettable books, all they have been motivated by the love.

The love is considered as a group of behaviors and attitudes, unconditional and disinterested, that are manifested among beings able to develop emotional intelligence. The love is not only bounded to the mankind but also to all those beings that can develop emotional nodes with other, for example, dolphins, dogs, horses, etc.

Habitually he/she associates the term with the romantic love, a relationship pasional between two people with an important influence in your relationships interpersonal and sexual mutual societies. However the term is also applied to other different relationships, such as the platonic love or the family love, and also in a more comprehensive sense it is spoken of love toward God, the nature, the humanity in your group (that which usually associates to the empathy), and others. In most of the cases it means a great affection for something that cause pleasure or happiness to who carry out the share of loving.

Philosophically, it is usually thought that the love is the only feeling that don't possess a feeling of polarity, like you are the case of the other feelings (p.e. peace - war). Popularly it is usually contrasted, avoided or counteracted with the hate, contempt or selfishness, but a polar defined feeling doesn't exist.

"The love is suffered, you are benign; the love doesn't have envy, the love you are not boastful, you don't get conceited; you don't make anything undue, you don't search his, you are not irritated, you don't harbor resentment; you are not enjoyed the grievance, but one enjoys the truth. All you suffer it, all you believe it, all you wait for it, all you support" it.

In your etymological origin, the love has roots in some Greek words. One of the translations means similar, because those that love each other are similar; another is to want vividly: love involves a to want intense and vehement; another means to tie, to connect, because the characteristic of the love is to adjoin the lovers.

We can say that the formal object of the perfect love are in the person of the "other" one: something is loved because you are good, because you embody the nature of the good: "something is loved as soon as you are right of well." That which are not equal to affirm the precedence of the interested love and the subordination of the very subject to the lover. Because the well is not good because you are tempting, but rather you are tempting because you are good. To affirm that the well is the formal bjeto of the love you are to not only found the ecstatic or disinterested character of the love, but founding the love without more.

The love that carry out me and you perfect as human being you are not unmotivated, you have lawsuit. We can summarize the lawsuit of the love like the very objective and actual of the dear person. To love is to delight in the good that you exist in the other one. And that love can discover it in different ways: when I love somebody: you are an active and immediate test, the direct object of the love you are the other one; when I observe the love in other people that love each other: you are a mediate test; and the most special form is when I am loved: you are a passive and immediate test and the object of the love I am myself. All these tests help to understand what are the love: affective or pleased statement that a human being makes of the existence of the other one.

The love is the uptake of the fullness and another person's perfection as long as susceptible of being carried out by oneself and as long as in the realization of that fullness he/she goes involved the own autorrealización, so this can reach a fullness before unsuspected. Said shortly, the love is the uptake of another one of whose fullness the own one depends, and in such a way that that other one awake the best thing that is in myself. From this perspective, the love is a feeling and a trend.

In the love he/she takes place, because, the union of two subjectivities so each a stocking in the fullness of the other one. For that reason, Aristotle maintains that the work of the love is the drive, S. Agustín that the love is the trend to the drive and Hegel that the love is the drive of the identity and the difference, that is to say, the drive in which two subjectivities reach the identification of one with the other one but without that supposes your annulment, on the contrary, in such a way that the difference stays.

Not we were created neither to be neither to be alone. Nobody grows neither you are formed alone. Our existence is always toward the other, bound, in communion with the other ones. We can say that in first instance this personal necessity is vector; this means like an arrow, with an address. I need a person with an intensity and with an inclination or very precise orientation. I need it for something, I don't need it personally but for that that the person has or you take I get; your body, your effort, your dexterity, your social misalignment, your support...

Each being's natural appetite for your well would be the fundamental and only form of the love.
Of the whole field tendencial of the human appetites they emerge the answers to the good or those not well offered ones; these answers can call them affective. The well moves the immediate appetite, inside which we include to the love like exclusive motor of the affective life.

The children, in your purity, they are usually the clearest when explaining that you are the love:

"When somebody loves you, the form in which say your name is different"

"Love is when you exit to eat and ofrecés your French fries without hoping the other person offers you your French fries"

"Love is when the mom sees the dad all stinking one and of bad odor and you say that you are but beautiful that Robert Redford"

"Love is when you tell to a boy that take a pretty shirt and he put it to him every day"

"Love is when your dog licks your face although vos the alone dejás the whole day"


* The love is silent. why do I love you? Because sos vos. Not there is reason some and you are vain to search one.
This inferior love of the desire is an authentic love, and you should not be rejected in any case, but you contain more than an element of selfishness and neither you rise as high as the love in your plenum perfection that go beyond all the desirable qualities of that loved, directly to that loved as person. You go beyond your personality, until reaching your me, this is, an I that your own kindness subsists, don't eat to perfect of the lovers, but as loved by itself, in your own person.

* The love is communion. The lovers love each other, but they remain in toto in themselves, in a certain sense, the love is one, but in another sense it is two. As for one he/she refers to that are a link that bind, based on the likenesses and, in the deepest love, an image of what you/they can end up being together, of the recognition of the possibilities that you/they increase to have to the other one to the side.
The communion in the love requires community in kindness, the love is don in the sense in which the union doesn't delete the two lovers. The term of the love is the identity of the other one, your unique subsistence as person.

* The love is a don of yes. Only in the measure in that I love to other I really love myself to myself. With my love, I give myself, in present, to the other one. This autoentrega is indispensable for the plug-in of my legal capacity.

* The love is creative. Not it is a dream sense or lazy rest, but a vigorous handover toward the realization that make grow in the lover's appearance.
The love doesn't create the original legal capacity of the other one, but rather you find it. Being loved exists in the world, you deploy your legal capacity, and simply to be who are he/she has made your being to shine in that of the other person.

*The love is reciprocal. To love involves as much the desire as the fact of being loved. You are possible to have a love that are not corresponded, but satisfactory character of similar love jumps at sight, this desire to be loved manifests the unavoidable component of the love of itself in all love, a love of itself that he/she don't need in mode some to be selfish, but you are simply the consideration of the value of oneself as person, exactly in the same way that one considers the value like person of the other one.

*The love is the supreme value. The love must be everything or anything. Neither in your actual financial year, because we can love more or less, and never to love perfectly. The love doesn't oppose you to the existing reality some, but rather you animate them to all respecting them. The love is your own value, you are the person's value.

12/10/2007

To be released of the negative thing

We all know that throughout our lives we should face many problems of different nature. None knows the great mystery of the happiness, neither he/she has the solution so that in a to open up and to close of eyes the problems they disappear. Each who he/she should learn how to overcome them to their menare by means of the test and the incrementación of the spiritual energy through her. However a main rule exists to live in plenum happiness and power on taking the best problems: to "look at the full vessel and never the blank" vessel.

Frequently, we want to have a life without problems, without nuisance, without disillusions and with a lot of affection. It would be ideal to only live flanked of understanding, allowance, respect, and love for oneself and apart from this. But that world doesn't exist, and this world is full with conflicts to learn how to overcome them and to take out of them the respective teachings. Many times, you more and more difficult tornan those problems or status, to the point of transforming into status borders. And it is here when we believe that if we don't solve them soon we will no longer be able to revert this cumulative negatividad. It is like a black cloud that takes possession of our being, and that you exterioriza, be this way by means of the body like of the soul.

The only solution is to discover for ourselves the answer to leave this negatividad that is wrapping up and that it doesn't allow that we see the sunlight.

The first step is to be convinced that you can fight with the conflicts, to be willing to minimize its importance, that is to say, not to make of each problem the lead wire or the recursive topic of our life. It is also necessary to be willing to investigate and to see from out the status, with the goal that the objectivity allows to understand the problem and to find actual solutions. But mainly we should not accuse others for our difficulties. Just by accepting that we are responsible for what happens, we will be able to begin to dilute our problems.

Before the conflicts we should:
To work the car knowledge and to take conscience of the own lacks, attitudes and resolution potentials that we have before the drawbacks.
To be about improving, instead of to make problem or to point out the error to our fellow men. What we see in them is many our times errors and limitations.
Any status that affects us is an occasion to look toward our interior one and don't bind opportunity for the negative reaction.
It is not about deleting the negative feeling, but of elevating it. That is to say, of lighting a light amid a room to dark. She will guide us and this way, we will be able to find well the one in route to continuing to arrive to where we want to make it.